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Posted by / 22-Feb-2015 12:27

To dating my daughter

I thought I'd share it with you guys, as I'm sure many of you are fathers who might appreciate this.Someday when I have kids (as Ian would say: "OMG Heaven Forbid!Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.

"), I'm going to post this on the front door in 24 point font to ward off any potential suitors for my daughter. ******************* Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. So I guess I broke about 5 of the rules and three of them didn't apply.

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This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Yeah, but the fixtures are too fragile to hang on and the cuffs leave too many marks on girls wrists..gotta try the furry wrist bindings. Of course my sister'll probably leave you tied up in a ditch once you've done her floors and windows.