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We said we would mark the major milestones -- before my surgery (bilateral mastectomy), after the six-month chemo regimen started, and then a final session once I got the "girls" in.Our first session was a strange mix of serenity and panic.
I had just returned from my cousin's wedding, and it was a bittersweet send off, as my entire family ushered me with well wishes, while the unspoken loss of so many family members taken from cancer hovered amongst it all. I was in uncertain territory where prognosis was not known. I was awake for what felt like the first time in my life.But I know it starts with embracing that not knowing, honoring the unbelievable journey, and celebrating perhaps the biggest milestone to date -- that of completion of the surgeries and treatments. It means forgiving myself and others when I realize that old patterns and behaviors no longer work.Vulnerability became the norm and grace my trusted new confidant. fear became apparent in everything I was experiencing.Early on, a dear friend and gifted photographer, Romy Suskin, said she would like to document the journey. My main priority was I just wanted to capture the essence of where I was in the given moment. It's confusing to confess something so morbid, but as my year cancerversary (Feb. Upon the moment of my diagnosis, I knew this would be a year of transformation and transmutation.
Naive, perhaps, but with this intention came the gift of being present and the connection to the deepest part of myself.